Have your Tween or Teen’s Interests Become Obsessions?
Lately you notice your tween or teen rearranging their room; one detail after another. For several months, all they did was do games or talk about the stuff on their I-pod touches. Games and apps flooded your tweens mind! Becoming one-tracked or obsessed in our thinking can cut anyone off from other activities or friends.
Interests or passions are what makes life exciting and help your kids to discover what they might like to do as an adult! But though it is so important to have interests and learn all about them, it is also cool to have a balance! Balance is making our daily lives useful for us and others.
Why not:take that awesome interest and find new ways learn about it. Maybe suggest decorating their room and then let their friends know they’d like to help them do the same. Or again suggest your teen meet with other kids regularly to just talk and research their interests on the net about some great design ideas!
Instead of playing games on their iPod-touch or on the X-Box or other device, help your tween or teen see their talent for making up a game or making of video of an idea they have. Are any of our kids talented with drawing? Help them to see that gift in drawing a game and it’s different levels? Gather a few kids together regularly and brainstorm ways to turn computer games into board games for younger kids!
Kids are always ready and eager for us parent’s positive/constructive comments and yes, even compliments! We can’t praise their work/efforts/and their willingness to work together, enough!
Please leave me your comments!
Cell Phones. If you are a parent of a middle school child, perhaps those two words brings a host of emotional responses. Everything from, “I thank God my kid can be safe with a phone now when he/she is not at home” to …. “What in the world is THIS TEXT I see on my daughter’s phone?! Who would send such a horrible text?” Cell phones, like all social media, are a thing that is here to stay and no matter how we may feel about our kids and CELL PHONES, we need to find a clear and resolute standard for our kids to follow and respect.
When asked what is the most important thing you could have if you were stranded on a desert island, what did pre-teen kids say? A Cell phone! More than any other device or thing!!
Cell phones with the texting and the FACETIME can be like having a host of other parent’s kids in your house that you didn’t invite! Suddenly without warning, you are bombarded with another kid or two (depending on how many kids you have with phones) present and carrying on loud chatter at your table! What is a parent to do about this or about any of the ‘rude nesses’ that kids think are “just life and normal”? How about some rules? After all, freedoms without rules is chaos and not what parents want to mirror or consent to.
Identify all people texting your kid. If you don’t have time to check each one, then you are not being a responsible parent. Your kid should expect a loving and protective parent to do such. Being involved is love.
“Come on Dad; let me make up my own mind please. Thank you for your opinion, but I want to try to figure this out on my own. I need to take my time and I will be ready by the time the bus comes. Please!” Maybe you hear the same plea in the mornings before school as your tween decides what clothes to wear or which way “the hair” will look good today.
But if we could be a crumb sitting on their lunchroom cafeteria table, we might hear them ranting and raving about us; their parents. Maybe we might be more help than we realize if we could listen with a discerning ear. “I wish my parents were more……..”.
- Patient- I’m really able to get my routine done before school but I’m my own person. Even though I need a nudge to get going, please don’t nag me just know I am doing my best to get on that bus- after all I don’t want to be embarrassed by being late.
- Let me choose my friends – wish you would ask me more about my friends before you judge them. If you don’t like them it seems like you don’t trust me to choose the ‘right friends’. Trust me to make mistakes as I pick and choose – stay open minded but if you still think they are bad to me, please, I need your gentle guidance showing me sound choices and also on my side.
I I really don’t like to go to dentists appointments- I don’t think anyone does unless their tooth is in horrific pain! But a few weeks ago while sitting in the waiting area I couldn’t help but feel so sad for this person across the room. I could see the tiredness in her eyes as she adjusted the earbuds in her ears to take a call. Her laptop was opened on her lap but she was overwhelmed as she talked on her pink cell phone about some report she had messed up- how could that be since spending two weeks on I heard her remind the caller. “I don’t know what to do now, because I have a meeting with Mr. Taylor tomorrow and this Saturday are team finals!” Listening and listening again she was quiet and then reassuringly said just before she disconnected, “OK, mom, dad is about to pick me up- I’ll see you tomorrow after your flight gets in.” This was a child; about 11 years old I guessed.
Today’s kids are growing up too fast and with so much responsibility in their young lives! I don’t mean that I am old fashion, but it is true. Does this describe your child? Tweens are blending in with teenagers and their minds are no different when it comes to social and what is expected of them from teachers, peers, coaches, and their families! Yup. Tweens are 8-12 years old! Remember the days when you were that age? What has happened to cause this jog toward adulthood?
How about PRESURE? We all had pressure as tweens. But today’s world is changing faster than ever before. Pressure from society’s changing landscape, technology, the marketplace and its cultural changes, school pressure, and parents make our tweens into what they are today. Continue reading
You know that the sweetness of her smile and the kindness of her 11 year old voice won’t last very long because you have experienced being a tween parent now for 3 years. Without skipping a beat she is suddenly screaming and ranting and freaking out about something you are oblivious to and shouting – I hate you! It’s then that you remember you’re a parent of a tween
-She says she screams because you scream–
How can we talk to our tween’s? They tell us we scream or the teachers yell- but many times and most of the time- they are just pulling some random remembrance out of a long time ago moment. You may not even remember. They feel misunderstood because their bodies, minds, and friends all seem to be changing so much of the time! Tween’s live in a state of ‘above the clouds’ or ‘disconnect’. Ask a question or make a comment- you may hear an answer or a garbled ‘uhhh-uhhh’. Living in expectation of them to answer right now will close a conversation attempt before it begins. You may hear in a week or a month the answer but no one- not even them many times, knows what’s inside their minds.
As soon as your face becomes inpatient looking or angry looking- a tween has labeled you as ‘mean’ or ‘not nice’. I try to avoid those looks that will spread across my blown mind, so instead I conditioned myself. My tone needs to be matter-of-fact as I try to establish some form of communication with tween’s. Paying attention to me is my goal so if I blow it with a face look or a tone then it’s a no-go!
What to do what to do-
To get our tween’s to stay connected or open up to us, we need to be open and honest with our own experiences, respond in positive tones when they come around and share what they are concerned with or fearful of, and emphasize how we enjoy his/her sharing. The biggie is sympathizing with his/her feelings by listening and listening again. It’s tough because so often they go on and on about stuff that doesn’t make sense to us. But belittling and brushing-off their feelings is seen as rejection which can have lasting effects. Validating is what we want even with our own spouses so why would it be less with our tweens? To validate doesn’t mean we are in agreement but we are giving them the right to share and own those feelings and emotions. Continue reading
The other day I was in a huge hurry so I thought I’d save time in one of those 15 or less check outs at the grocery store. But my impatience suddenly calmed down when I heard two moms in front of me sharing. One mom said her 12 year old wanted to know what she (her mom) would do if she got pregnant! The friend wasn’t shocked; she just came back with her own experience last week. She laughed and then got real serious- looking, then told her friend that her 11 year old daughter was sick and tired of us (her mom and dad) making her do her homework before she was allowed to talk to her friends on her cell phone.
Not sure about you, but cell phones in an 11 year olds hands – might be a recipe for a “disconnect” between daughter and mom (?) These days tweens are not what they were in “those days”- the mom’s days. If we can just remember “those days” when we were tween’s and what came out of our wild and crazy minds and mouths! But these days, tween’s know all about sex, drugs, pornography, alcohol, and all the rest because of the media of TV and all the techie stuff parents allow their kids to own which connects them to the internet! These two moms are about to lose control of parenting their sons and daughters unless they stay savvy and connected with them on a daily basis. Continue reading
OUR KIDS AND THEIR DECISIONS – THEY NEED HELP AND YET RESPONSIBILITY
Without thinking we make many a day, an hour, and minute by the minute. I was thinking this morning when I made the decision to get up and plant my feet on the floor, how many decisions I would make today that might be observed.
Our kids, our grand’s, our nieces and nephews, our students, neighbor kids, and perfect little strangers in the grocery isle will be watching us grown-ups as we speak and act! Wow- that is something to think about or at least it is for me. I’m not talking about huge decisions (in this particular blog) that are planned like where to put our money; 401K or savings elsewhere. It’s those everyday little ones that make a long range difference in the lives of those little eyes and ears watching me. The question I ask myself is how can I be a good model today?
Honestly I make it my priority daily (though I fail time and time again) to ask the Lord to help me make those wise and productive decisions in my own daily life at home first. My priority’s, the types of books, entertainment, hobbies, and even the way I move and act and be in my relationships need to be overshadowed with the Lord’s direction and perspective each of my days or I am a mess! I made it simple a few years back; when I choose to follow what God likes then I can’t go wrong in the eyes of my grand kids or any little eyes around my neighborhood that might meet up with me. My accountability partner I like to think is ………God. Continue reading