Victoria Peace Green

Children's Author * Freelance Writer

Category: tween fears


Our grandson is a game junkie. That’s not a judgement- it’s a fact. I have heard many a complaint from parents for they too have a teen that seems to spend more time online, or on phone with social media, or gaming, or u-tubing. It might be all bad from our perspective. What is our perspective?

It all depends on what generation you are a part of. Today’s teens and tweens are by default born in Generation Z. This guarded lonely culture, consists of kids born 1999 to the present. Shockingly to many of us that have not put much question as to why our kids behave the way they do, the definition to what Generation Z is can be summed up pretty much as the generation that doesn’t know what it is like to live without fear. To live in a threat-free society is absent from their lives; past or present. They desire to find ‘safe-spaces’ where they are included but not judged. They are a coddled group mostly because their parents rightfully are fearful for their children in today’s world. They don’t know what it is like to go outside to play without supervision. They are not “allowed” to walk where their hearts take them for their parents fear of what the media warns us; kidnapping. Polls say they don’t want to learn to drive for fear of death.

What happened in 2000 and up to this very day – the years in which these non-risk-taking kids were born? All we have to do is re-play one catastrophe after another to know the answer. School shootings, bombs, terrorism of all forms, wars that do not stop, 911, TV news reporting 24/7 fearful and anxiety breeding news. You could have a host more and it all is summed up as UNCERTAINTY 24/7. Now ask yourself again…. why does my kid sit on social media? Could it be they feel safer inside that ‘world’ where threats seem easier to experience? A world they can pretty much create? Or so they think. Actually, predators like cyber-bullying are just within a click away. While seeking relief, they fall further into what they fear- unsafe places.
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10 Things Your Middle School Kid Wishes You Knew!

Come on Dad; let me make up my own mind please. Thank you for your opinion, but I want to try to figure this out on my own. I need to take my time and I will be ready by the time the bus comes. Please!” Maybe you hear the same plea in the mornings before school as your tween decides what clothes to wear or which way “the hair” will look good today.

But if we could be a crumb sitting on their lunchroom cafeteria table, we might hear them ranting and raving about us; their parents. Maybe we might be more help than we realize if we could listen with a discerning ear. “I wish my parents were more……..”. 

  • Patient- I’m really able to get my routine done before school but I’m my own person. Even though I need a nudge to get going, please don’t nag me just know I am doing my best to get on that bus- after all I don’t want to be embarrassed by being late.
  • Let me choose my friends – wish you would ask me more about my friends before you judge them. If you don’t like them it seems like you don’t trust me to choose the ‘right friends’. Trust me to make mistakes as I pick and choose – stay open minded but if you still think they are bad to me, please, I need your gentle guidance showing me sound choices and also on my side.

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Summertime for tweens is a time of freedom, to re-group and take some time off from school. Close friends are always available with just a phone call away or an invite to spend the night, unless that close friend moves away. Summer has lots of fun but also brings families to relocate due to job transfers and a host of other reasons.

 But our tween’s do not take their relationships casually. They take them deeply! Buddies and BFF’s are a large part of their development. Most people do not like the adjustments that come with moving, but tweens are devastated emotionally when it involves them.

 No matter the personality of your child; shy or gregarious, they all have the same emotions. Having a BFF or a close buddy or two to share their ups and downs and great dreams is powerful security. Many times, family issues bring the unknown or insecurity for tweens, as they do us- so having close friendships with the same interests naturally brings security and safety emotionally. God gives them friends to be their anchor when rough times come at school, with school work, with siblings, loss of a pet, loss of a family member and a just a safe place of coping.

 Helping our tweens through the storms of life such as friends moving or our own tween moving, can be a great way once again for us as parents and grandparents to show them they can lean into us and God.

 One of the hardest things we as parents will do is helping our tween say good-bye. Continue reading


Children imitate behavior.It’s that easy. Most of us can remember the few adults in our lives which had great influence. Remember the not-so- good ones? Some of those role models many of us are still trying to forget! But healthy role models challenged us and encouraged us like no one else. We wanted to be like them. They helped us come to places of great decision- the ones that affected the outcome of our lives.

Of course the most obvious first role models for any child are us parents and then grandparents, aunts, uncles, older cousins and of course teachers! What is healthy in modeling behavior? If we smoke, drink, swear, gossip, or just sit around and watch TV- it’s very likely our kids will do the same. We can preach all about not doing those things but if we do them- well, I remember my mother would advise me but if I saw her do what was the opposite or be a hypocrite- then all was lost! Continue reading


 You know that the sweetness of her smile and the kindness of her 11 year old voice won’t last very long because you have experienced being a tween parent now for 3 years. Without skipping a beat she is suddenly screaming and ranting and freaking out about something you are oblivious to and shouting – I hate you!  It’s then that you remember you’re a parent of a tween

-She says she screams because you scream

How can we talk to our tween’s? They tell us we scream or the teachers yell- but many times and most of the time- they are just pulling some random remembrance out of a long time ago moment. You may not even remember. They feel misunderstood because their bodies, minds, and friends all seem to be changing so much of the time! Tween’s live in a state of ‘above the clouds’ or ‘disconnect’. Ask a question or make a comment- you may hear an answer or a garbled ‘uhhh-uhhh’. Living in expectation of them to answer right now will close a conversation attempt before it begins.  You may hear in a week or a month the answer but no one- not even them many times, knows what’s inside their minds.

 As soon as your face becomes inpatient looking or angry looking- a tween has labeled you as ‘mean’ or ‘not nice’. I try to avoid those looks that will spread across my blown mind, so instead I conditioned myself. My tone needs to be matter-of-fact as I try to establish some form of communication with tween’s. Paying attention to me is my goal so if I blow it with a face look or a tone then it’s a no-go!

 What to do what to do-

 To get our tween’s to stay connected  or open up to us, we need to be open and honest with our own experiences, respond in positive tones when they come around and share what they are concerned with or fearful of, and emphasize how we enjoy his/her sharing.  The biggie is sympathizing with his/her feelings by listening and listening again. It’s tough because so often they go on and on about stuff that doesn’t make sense to us. But belittling and brushing-off their feelings is seen as rejection which can have lasting effects. Validating is what we want even with our own spouses so why would it be less with our tweens? To validate doesn’t mean we are in agreement but we are giving them the right to share and own those feelings and emotions. Continue reading


            Outside my office window is a giant but very cold-bare crape myrtle. The birds peer into my window as they huddle almost as one life-form on its branches. That tree which was once their hiding place, security from predators, and shelter from the rain, has become unable to do its job any more. The birds don’t wonder like I use to as a kid; is that tree ever going to have leaves again or is it dead?

            Even now as an adult and though I know better, the tree appears as though it is lifeless, just not thriving, or for a better word, languishing. Once it had such vibrancy and purpose as it housed the birds and was admired constantly last spring, summer, and a tad of autumn from my office. I can’t help but see a parallel between that languishing tree and tweens; those kids I love so much. Tween’s find it hard many times to share what hurts, so they often hide or try to under their pretend smiles. Nature has so often, the answers to most of life’s questions. I love how Jesus built the lessons he wanted people to grasp about life and the state of our souls, all around nature. How many of those parables do just that? They make us to wonder about ourselves and seek out those answers. Continue reading



Without thinking we make many a day, an hour, and minute by the minute. I was thinking this morning when I made the decision to get up and plant my feet on the floor, how many decisions I would make today that might be observed.

Our kids, our grand’s, our nieces and nephews, our students, neighbor kids, and perfect little strangers in the grocery isle will be watching us grown-ups as we speak and act! Wow- that is something to think about or at least it is for me.  I’m not talking about huge decisions (in this particular blog) that are planned like where to put our money; 401K or savings elsewhere.  It’s those everyday little ones that make a long range difference in the lives of those little eyes and ears watching me. The question I ask myself is how can I be a good model today?

Honestly I make it my priority daily (though I fail time and time again) to ask the Lord to help me make those wise and productive decisions in my own daily life at home first. My priority’s, the types of books, entertainment, hobbies, and even the way I move and act and be in my relationships  need to be overshadowed with the Lord’s direction and perspective each of my days or I am a mess!  I made it simple a few years back; when I choose to follow what God likes then I can’t go wrong in the eyes of my grand kids or any little eyes around my neighborhood that might meet up with me. My accountability partner I like to think is ………God. Continue reading


Our earliest painful memories in childhood often influence the way we look at injustices and pain as adults.  When I was 10 years old, my dog became lost. In those days, our pets roamed the neighborhoods so we had a great expanse to cover in order to find her. All I could do or think about was to find our dog.  We looked in all the familiar places that she would like to sleep and places she would retreat to when too many of us kids were around!  But all our efforts brought empty and extremely sad results.

That feeling I carried for many years. I kept thinking of how scared and afraid my dog must have been. Now, as a seasoned adult that same emotion resurfaces when I hear about lost children, taken children or rejected children. Psychologists have discovered that one of a tween’s greatest fears is: “What if I do not find friends; what if no one likes me. It is like I would be lost.” That is a huge red flag for those of us with tween’s. Just think of how we can be used of God to help our child make and keep friends; friends that he/she will remember with good memories. Continue reading


August brings the end of summer vacation. And with the end of summer brings mixed emotions that begin to plague kids. Some kids can hardly wait to pick out their back-pack and a few new clothes and wait for that school bell to chime (or buzz in some cases!). However, there other kids that begin to bite their nails, get stomach aches, act up, and just plain become anxious about the thought of school. 

A bullying  experience might be part of the problem-  even one instance can change a child from a extrovert to introvert. And from a confident child to an anxious/insecure child.

Many parents might see their anxious / nervous child as a bewildering challenge. They have no idea in many cases that a a bullying experience even occurred. But no matter the reason for this change in behaviors; from being confident to being worried and upset,  moms and dads have a great opportunity to comfort and reassure their child. Continue reading