Victoria Peace Green

Children's Author * Freelance Writer * Speaker

Category: Tween frustrations (page 1 of 2)

Tweens crave for parents to help them with the parameters of their social life

HAVE YOUR TWEEN’S OR TEENS INTERESTS BECOME OBESSIONS?

Have your Tween or Teen’s Interests Become Obsessions?

Lately you notice your tween or teen rearranging their room; one detail after another. For several months, all they did was do games or talk about the stuff on their I-pod touches. Games and apps flooded your tweens mind! Becoming one-tracked or obsessed in our thinking can cut anyone off from other activities or friends.

Interests or passions are what makes life exciting and help your kids to discover what they might like to do as an adult!  But though it is so important to have interests and learn all about them, it is also cool to have a balance! Balance is making our daily lives useful for us and others.

Why not:take that awesome interest and find new ways learn about it. Maybe suggest decorating their room and then let their friends know they’d like to help them do the same. Or again suggest your teen meet with other kids regularly to just talk and research their interests on the net about some great design ideas!

Instead of playing games on their iPod-touch or on the X-Box or other device, help your tween or teen see their talent for making up a game or making of video of an idea they have. Are any of our kids talented with drawing? Help them to see that gift in drawing a game and it’s different levels?  Gather  a few kids together regularly and brainstorm ways to turn computer games into board games for younger kids!  

Kids are always ready and eager for us parent’s positive/constructive comments and yes, even compliments! We can’t praise their work/efforts/and their willingness to work together, enough!

 

Please leave me your comments!

 

HELP! MY MIDDLE SCHOOLER DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO KEEP HER FRIENDS

HELP! MY MIDDLE SCHOOLER DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO KEEP HER FRIENDS!

Finish this sentence: The most important moments of my day are…………………………… As parents filling in that sentence can change depending perhaps on the day of the week. But most middle schoolers know the answer is the same 2/47!

Your child would say emphatically, “my friends are the most moments in my day!!” What kind of a question is it anyway because those of us with middle schoolers already know the answer. As our tweens move from childhood toward teenage years, it is all natural to pull away from mom and dad and establish supportive relationships amongst their peers.  Friendships in middle school can make or break everything else in their life; grades, sports, family life and just their general mood. What can parents do to help tweens make and keep their friends? We can have an influential role but being matter-of-fact is the key to our child accepting our advice. We want to help our kids to make the healthy friendships which encourage them to be comfortable within themselves as well as be a good friend. Check out some tips for us parents: Continue reading

10 Things Your Middle School Kid Wishes You Knew!

Come on Dad; let me make up my own mind please. Thank you for your opinion, but I want to try to figure this out on my own. I need to take my time and I will be ready by the time the bus comes. Please!” Maybe you hear the same plea in the mornings before school as your tween decides what clothes to wear or which way “the hair” will look good today.

But if we could be a crumb sitting on their lunchroom cafeteria table, we might hear them ranting and raving about us; their parents. Maybe we might be more help than we realize if we could listen with a discerning ear. “I wish my parents were more……..”. 

  • Patient- I’m really able to get my routine done before school but I’m my own person. Even though I need a nudge to get going, please don’t nag me just know I am doing my best to get on that bus- after all I don’t want to be embarrassed by being late.
  • Let me choose my friends – wish you would ask me more about my friends before you judge them. If you don’t like them it seems like you don’t trust me to choose the ‘right friends’. Trust me to make mistakes as I pick and choose – stay open minded but if you still think they are bad to me, please, I need your gentle guidance showing me sound choices and also on my side.

Continue reading

WHEN BFF’S MOVE AWAY

 

Summertime for tweens is a time of freedom, to re-group and take some time off from school. Close friends are always available with just a phone call away or an invite to spend the night, unless that close friend moves away. Summer has lots of fun but also brings families to relocate due to job transfers and a host of other reasons.

 But our tween’s do not take their relationships casually. They take them deeply! Buddies and BFF’s are a large part of their development. Most people do not like the adjustments that come with moving, but tweens are devastated emotionally when it involves them.

 No matter the personality of your child; shy or gregarious, they all have the same emotions. Having a BFF or a close buddy or two to share their ups and downs and great dreams is powerful security. Many times, family issues bring the unknown or insecurity for tweens, as they do us- so having close friendships with the same interests naturally brings security and safety emotionally. God gives them friends to be their anchor when rough times come at school, with school work, with siblings, loss of a pet, loss of a family member and a just a safe place of coping.

 Helping our tweens through the storms of life such as friends moving or our own tween moving, can be a great way once again for us as parents and grandparents to show them they can lean into us and God.

 One of the hardest things we as parents will do is helping our tween say good-bye. Continue reading

ARE YOUR TWEENS ACTING MORE LIKE TEENAGERS THAN KIDS?

I I really don’t like to go to dentists appointments- I don’t think anyone does unless their tooth is in horrific pain! But a few weeks ago while sitting in the waiting area I couldn’t help but feel so sad for this person across the room. I could see the tiredness in her eyes as she adjusted the earbuds in her ears to take a call. Her laptop was opened on her lap but she was overwhelmed as she talked on her pink cell phone about some report she had messed up- how could that be since spending two weeks on I heard her remind the caller. “I don’t know what to do now, because I have a meeting with Mr. Taylor tomorrow and this Saturday are team finals!” Listening and listening again she was quiet and then reassuringly said just before she disconnected, “OK, mom, dad is about to pick me up- I’ll see you tomorrow after your flight gets in.”  This was a child; about 11 years old I guessed.

 Today’s kids are growing up too fast and with so much responsibility in their young lives! I don’t mean that I am old fashion, but it is true. Does this describe your child? Tweens are blending in with teenagers and their minds are no different when it comes to social and what is expected of them from teachers, peers, coaches, and their families! Yup. Tweens are 8-12 years old! Remember the days when you were that age? What has happened to cause this jog toward adulthood?

 How about PRESURE? We all had pressure as tweens. But today’s world is changing faster than ever before. Pressure from society’s changing landscape, technology, the marketplace and its cultural changes, school pressure, and parents make our tweens into what they are today. Continue reading

Power-Words To Feed Our Kid’s Hearts and Minds- 24/7

I was at the grocery store the other day. I don’t like grocery stores. Just too chaos and too many choices to make…. so I enjoy studying any kids and their parents that are also engaged in each other and  in the experience of shopping. I decided after cleaning my cart with those wipe things to make a study on what I heard between kids and adults.

Moms and some dads were hustling around with kids in tow or in the carts. I listened as if I had no eyes. In fact in places where it was safe to do so, I closed my eyes as I heard ‘conversation’ between adults and children. I wanted to cry. Why? The parents talked at their kids not with their kids, the kids nagging, nagging for whatever reason, then the big shouting match telling the kids “NO” only to be followed with more nagging. I have to say the bazar habit of parents talking or texting on their phones, while they are supposed to be choosing groceries and being attentive to their children, has got to be the most unrecognized neglectful adult behavior. What are they teaching their kids while they do this? Uhhhh…..for starters, how about its OK to ignore those you are with. And they learn to do the same thing with their own friends and family !

 IMAGINE OUR KIDS AS GROWN UP KIDS 

 I asked myself, if all these kids were grown up and walking beside their parent how the conversations would be different? We ought to try walking at the store or anywhere with our kids and imagining they are adult kids. Or we might pretend that sweet 3 foot tall child is our own friend we enjoyed a bite to eat with at the lunch hour today.

Continue reading

ONE MINUTE ALL IS CALM AND THE NEXT- ‘I HATE YOU!’

 You know that the sweetness of her smile and the kindness of her 11 year old voice won’t last very long because you have experienced being a tween parent now for 3 years. Without skipping a beat she is suddenly screaming and ranting and freaking out about something you are oblivious to and shouting – I hate you!  It’s then that you remember you’re a parent of a tween

-She says she screams because you scream

How can we talk to our tween’s? They tell us we scream or the teachers yell- but many times and most of the time- they are just pulling some random remembrance out of a long time ago moment. You may not even remember. They feel misunderstood because their bodies, minds, and friends all seem to be changing so much of the time! Tween’s live in a state of ‘above the clouds’ or ‘disconnect’. Ask a question or make a comment- you may hear an answer or a garbled ‘uhhh-uhhh’. Living in expectation of them to answer right now will close a conversation attempt before it begins.  You may hear in a week or a month the answer but no one- not even them many times, knows what’s inside their minds.

 As soon as your face becomes inpatient looking or angry looking- a tween has labeled you as ‘mean’ or ‘not nice’. I try to avoid those looks that will spread across my blown mind, so instead I conditioned myself. My tone needs to be matter-of-fact as I try to establish some form of communication with tween’s. Paying attention to me is my goal so if I blow it with a face look or a tone then it’s a no-go!

 What to do what to do-

 To get our tween’s to stay connected  or open up to us, we need to be open and honest with our own experiences, respond in positive tones when they come around and share what they are concerned with or fearful of, and emphasize how we enjoy his/her sharing.  The biggie is sympathizing with his/her feelings by listening and listening again. It’s tough because so often they go on and on about stuff that doesn’t make sense to us. But belittling and brushing-off their feelings is seen as rejection which can have lasting effects. Validating is what we want even with our own spouses so why would it be less with our tweens? To validate doesn’t mean we are in agreement but we are giving them the right to share and own those feelings and emotions. Continue reading

THE LEAFLESS TREE: IT ISN’T DEAD BUT SEEMS TO BE LANGUISHING

            Outside my office window is a giant but very cold-bare crape myrtle. The birds peer into my window as they huddle almost as one life-form on its branches. That tree which was once their hiding place, security from predators, and shelter from the rain, has become unable to do its job any more. The birds don’t wonder like I use to as a kid; is that tree ever going to have leaves again or is it dead?

            Even now as an adult and though I know better, the tree appears as though it is lifeless, just not thriving, or for a better word, languishing. Once it had such vibrancy and purpose as it housed the birds and was admired constantly last spring, summer, and a tad of autumn from my office. I can’t help but see a parallel between that languishing tree and tweens; those kids I love so much. Tween’s find it hard many times to share what hurts, so they often hide or try to under their pretend smiles. Nature has so often, the answers to most of life’s questions. I love how Jesus built the lessons he wanted people to grasp about life and the state of our souls, all around nature. How many of those parables do just that? They make us to wonder about ourselves and seek out those answers. Continue reading

WHAT IN THE WORLD IS MY TWEEN ASKING ME?

           The other day I was in a huge hurry so I thought I’d save time in one of those 15 or less check outs at the grocery store. But my impatience suddenly calmed down when I heard two moms in front of me sharing. One mom said her 12 year old wanted to know what she (her mom) would do if she got pregnant! The friend wasn’t shocked; she just came back with her own experience last week. She laughed and then got real serious- looking, then told her friend that her 11 year old daughter was sick and tired of us (her mom and dad) making her do her homework before she was allowed  to talk to her friends on her cell phone.

Not sure about you, but cell phones in an 11 year olds hands – might be a recipe for a “disconnect” between daughter and mom (?) These days tweens are not what they were in “those days”- the mom’s days. If we can just remember “those days” when we were tween’s and what came out of our wild and crazy minds and mouths!  But these days, tween’s know all about sex, drugs, pornography, alcohol, and all the rest because of the media of TV and all the techie stuff parents allow their kids to own which connects them to the internet! These two moms are about to lose control of parenting their sons and daughters unless they stay savvy and connected with them on a daily basis. Continue reading

OUR KIDS/GRANDS AND THEIR DECISIONS- THEY NEED HELP YET MORE RESPONSIBILITY AS THEY MATURE

OUR KIDS AND THEIR DECISIONS – THEY NEED HELP AND YET RESPONSIBILITY

Without thinking we make many a day, an hour, and minute by the minute. I was thinking this morning when I made the decision to get up and plant my feet on the floor, how many decisions I would make today that might be observed.

Our kids, our grand’s, our nieces and nephews, our students, neighbor kids, and perfect little strangers in the grocery isle will be watching us grown-ups as we speak and act! Wow- that is something to think about or at least it is for me.  I’m not talking about huge decisions (in this particular blog) that are planned like where to put our money; 401K or savings elsewhere.  It’s those everyday little ones that make a long range difference in the lives of those little eyes and ears watching me. The question I ask myself is how can I be a good model today?

Honestly I make it my priority daily (though I fail time and time again) to ask the Lord to help me make those wise and productive decisions in my own daily life at home first. My priority’s, the types of books, entertainment, hobbies, and even the way I move and act and be in my relationships  need to be overshadowed with the Lord’s direction and perspective each of my days or I am a mess!  I made it simple a few years back; when I choose to follow what God likes then I can’t go wrong in the eyes of my grand kids or any little eyes around my neighborhood that might meet up with me. My accountability partner I like to think is ………God. Continue reading

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